I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
