mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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