thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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