guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
