That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
