dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
