Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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