you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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