moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
