so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
