hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
