I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
