how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
