guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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