Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
