Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
