who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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