I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
