You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
