Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
