whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
