i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
