Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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