Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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