i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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