I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
