You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would ride that face into the sunset
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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