It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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