I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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