It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
