Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
