I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize