If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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