I skipped work to stalk him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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