he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
