I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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