Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
