his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need moral support for this bender
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
