I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
