I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize