life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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