so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize