I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
