if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
