All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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