And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
