her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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