I just made out with a guy for $7.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
