I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
