I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize