paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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