He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
