I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
