Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
