brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
