oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
