His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
