I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
