i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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