Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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