Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
