theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize