You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
