He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
