I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
