They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
