my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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