New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
