3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
