Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish there were birth control emojis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
